All-New Vocabulary

Allow me to share the brand-spanking-new definitions of some everyday words. Enjoy!

School
A place where Papa pays and Son plays.

Life Insurance
A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die rich.

Nurse
A person who wakes you up to give you sleeping pills.

Marriage
It’s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.

Tears
The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.

Lecture
An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through “the minds of either.”

Conference
The confusion of one person multiplied by the number present.

Compromise
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Dictionary
A place where success comes before work.

Conference Room
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Father
A banker provided by nature.

Politician
One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.

Doctor
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.

Classic
Books, which people praise, but do not read.

Smile
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Yawn
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc.
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Experience
The name men give to their mistakes.

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